


Unknown and Unwanted

by blue_eyesgirl_fic



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Gender Issues, Multi, Sex Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:24:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_eyesgirl_fic/pseuds/blue_eyesgirl_fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Byakuya doesn't like looking at himself, his body evidence of mistakes and confusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unknown and Unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: live_with_love  
> Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine  
> Pairings: Kuchiki Byakuya/Abarai Renji, previous Kuchiki Byakuya/Kuchiki Hisana and Kuchiki Byakuya/Hisagi Shuuhei  
> Characters: Mentions of Kuchiki Ginrei, Unohana Retsu, 12th division  
> Warnings: Dub-con sex change, body alteration  
> Additional content notes: Gender confusion on Byakuya's part  
> Author's notes: Written for the body alteration/injury square on my kink_bingo card, set in an AU where Byakuya was born as a girl.

Byakuya never looked at himself in the mirror if he could help it. After 50 years, it wasn’t weird anymore; he’d almost forgotten what he used to look like. Well, what she used to look like.

Kuchiki Byakuya had been born a girl but he couldn’t remember living as one. As far back as he could remember he’d been told exactly how to act. 

She had to keep her voice low. No, she couldn’t take the weird corset off from around her hips because they couldn’t risk her developing into a curvy, teenage girl. Yes, you have to wear the vest so your breasts stay flat.

His father hadn’t been able to do a thing about it all. His poor health and lack of status, despite being the son of the clan head, meant his voice went unheard. His beautiful daughter wasn’t ever going to be his daughter. Byakuya would always be his son.

 

Byakuya had lived pretending to be a man for a long time. Even in marriage, physically Byakuya had remained a woman. 

But with Hisana’s death, the guilt tripping started. Ginrei wasn’t happy with it staying like this. Byakuya had no heir and Ginrei knew he didn’t have long either. 

She wouldn’t be completely gone if you were a man. You two could have had a child. Didn’t you want a child with her? 

Stricken by grief and with poisonous words in her heart, she did what Ginrei asked and made that final change. 

 

Scars covered his body where body parts had been added and where they had been removed. Unohana-taichou, knowing the state the young Kuchiki had been in, had refused to operate. Ginrei just took her to 12th instead. Byakuya didn’t like to think about the operation, not even for a moment; knowing what 12th was like, he was just glad he’d remained unconscious for it.

 

Renji had thought Byakuya’s reluctance to go to bed with him was some sort of noble hang up or maybe that Byakuya saw it as a betrayal to his wife. In reality though, however calm and collected the noble might act, however confident he seemed, that was all just a façade. 

 

Renji didn’t ask about the scars, didn’t stop and pay attention to them. He just smoothed his hands over pale skin and kissed reverently, trying to silently convince Byakuya that every inch of the noble was precious to him. That the past was the past, – wasn’t putting the past in the past the reason that they had progressed to this kind of relationship? – that the noble could be anyone. Because he wasn’t stupid, he knew those clean cut scars were from surgery and Hisagi-san might have drunkenly let slip that his one night stand with Kuchiki-taichou just after Hisana had passed was with a _female_ Kuchiki-taichou.

So Renji would continue to surreptitiously convince the noble that he was who he was. 

Because Byakuya knew that really he was still that little girl that hadn’t ever been allowed to figure out who she was. 

Kuchiki Byakuya had always known who he was as a figure. That he would be clan head, captain of sixth division, a leader to be followed without question.

As a person, he wasn’t sure he’d ever find that out.


End file.
